I Am Nothing Without You
by blacklacebluevelvet
Summary: People always want what they can’t have. It’s human nature, and the fabulously wealthy are no exception. The question is what do they want that money can’t buy. ChuckBlair. Set after Seventeen Candles.


Summary: People always want what they can't have. It's human nature. And the fabulously wealthy are no exception. The question is what can't they have. Chuck/Blair. Set after Seventeen Candles.

A/N: Based on the TV show. I honestly tried reading the books, and I found them to be extremely shallow and over exaggerated. Gossip Girl is a guilty pleasure indeed. Take that as you will. I like looking into the complexity of the characters and really understanding what cause them to act the way they do. You'll see that it's really evident in my writing.

Disclaimer: If I owned Gossip Girl I wouldn't be writing fanfiction.

I Am Nothing Without You 

Chapter 1: As I Lay Here

_Chuck's POV_

As I watched Blair sleep peacefully, feeling her limbs wrapped around me, I knew that this moment was the closest I would get to true happiness. Tomorrow morning we would succumb to the harsh reality of our relationship. We were Nate's best friend and girlfriend. How cliché of us to pursue a relationship behind his back. Whatever we felt for each other would be overshadowed by the guilt of our actions, and we would proceed to act as if nothing happened. For now everything seemed perfect, and I didn't want to worry about what could happen tomorrow.

She pulled me closer, and I couldn't help but smile, not cockily smirk but genuinely smile. This was the closest I've ever been with a girl not because of our physical proximity but because she was the only girl I ever let past the obnoxious front I put up for society. Yesterday night she had seen the real Chuck Bass, and there was no going back. I gave her a piece of my heart, and as much as it pains me to admit it, she has enough of me to really hurt me. That's when I knew that this was a punishment for all the hell I've put women through.

She was different from all of them. Maybe it's because we complement each other so well. We were both love money and the pleasures money give us. We both have impeccable taste, and we _always_ get what we want. On a deeper level, I understand how her mind works. I understand her relationship with Eleanor and Nate, probably better than she does. Our parents have given us every opportunity that money can buy, and because of their high expectations, they expect more from us than we can possibly give. We have constantly been looked at as disappointments, and no matter how hard we try we will never fit into the molds that our parents have made for us. They can't seem to understand that we want more from them than a credit card with no limit? We want to feel acknowledged and loved, and because our parents cannot give us this, we look for comfort in others, Blair in Nate and myself in the various women who have shared my bed. We match both want the same things, so it makes sense to want each other. If only she would realize this.

I knew exactly how she viewed our relationship. To her it wasn't based on love or anything more than lust and infatuation, it was based on fulfilling each other's desires. I wanted her, and she wanted me because I could give her what Nate couldn't. She was heartbroken and venerable, and I took advantage of it. I'm usually dangerous and persistent when I want someone, but with her I was uncharacteristically gentle and patient. I actually asked her for her consent before completely submerging myself into her. She responded with a fervent kiss, and who was I to deny her.

I wasn't like Nate. He didn't deserve her. The very thought of letting her down made me sick to my stomach. She had been disappointed by so many people her mother, her father, Serena, and Nate. It was sad to think that I was the only one who hadn't hurt her yet, and I wasn't going to. Quite the opposite in fact, she would probably hurt me. It was really pitiful. I had never felt this kind of remorse or compassion for any other girl I've slept with, so why start now? Because this girl actually means something to you. I slowly came to the realization of what I would be willing to pursue a monogamous relationship if it meant I could be with her. I've officially turned into a sap. I can't sleep because I can't get her off my mind even when she's here with me. I could only sleep if I knew that she loved me back, and it's never going to happen. I just have to deal with the butterflies in silence.

She stirred, and I could tell she was waking up. I didn't want her to know I was watching her so I pretended to sleep.

_Blair's POV_

He's been watching me sleep. I can feel his eyes on me, and I can't help but wonder why neither of us has left yet. All I know is I won't be the first one to get up. I just want to lay here and enjoy the feeling of being held by strong arms, warm and naked under Egyptian cotton sheets. I relish in the fact that for once in my life I feel protected, loved, and cared for. I didn't care who was making me feel this way only that I did feel this way, and I didn't want it to end. I didn't want to have to face the reality that our relationship is meaningless. I wanted to keep the illusion of being happy as long as I can because reality is just too painful to come back to.

Chuck is my escape. When I'm with him I forget about Nate and all the other disappointments in my life and focus in on the way he makes me feel. I like how he doesn't hold me like Nate does. Nate holds me like he would hold glass like I could easily break if he wasn't careful. Chuck holds me like a teddy bear tightly, lovingly, and more for his own security. Though the sex was amazing there was nothing like being held. It was a simple gesture that provided more comfort than anything else I had ever felt. I like it, and it scares me. But I don't love him, and he doesn't love me. We simply satisfy each other's desires, and for the moment this all I expect him to think as well. Chuck made me realize that I don't love Nate. I don't think I ever really did rather I loved the idea of him. I loved the idea of getting married one day and living in a house with a white picket fence and 2.4 children, but I never loved _him_. I don't know what being in love feels like, and it's sad to think that this is the closest I've gotten.

I can feel his eyes scanning my features, and I can also feel his fingertips tracing images on my bare back. I smiled inwardly. Things would be awkward in the morning, but right now I don't want to think about it. I didn't want to open my eyes either because it would bring me to the reality that Chuck, the man who has probably slept with half of the female population in the Upper East Side, was holding me. He was so different last night. It's almost as if he genuinely cared. He bought me the Erickson Beamon necklace that I put on hold for Eleanor and Nate and neither gave me anything but heartache on my birthday. He told me I was beautiful and I could tell by the tone of his voice that he actually meant it. I couldn't help but give into him. I wanted it just as much as he did, maybe even more considering the crappy day I was having.

I don't know what it is, but I can be myself around him. I don't feel like I have to act a certain way because I know he expects nothing from me. Sometimes I think he's the only one who realizes that I'm human too. Everyone thinks I'm the ice princess, but I feel just like everyone else. I only appear cold on the outside. It's strange to think that Chuck knows me better than I know myself. He knows just what to do to make me submit to him, and he can also read me like a book. He knows when I bull shit and when I'm being completely honest, and he understands me without having to question why. I know he's been looking out for me in the shadows of Nate. I know that he has strong feelings for me, but is it love? I don't know. With all the subtle things he does around me that he doesn't do around anyone else, I don't know why I didn't realize it before. But then again I might be wrong. After all it is Chuck Bass that we're dealing with.

Oh no. I think he's getting up.

A/N: There will be dialogue in the next chapter. I didn't really edit this chapter, so sorry for any typos in the text. Hope you liked it. It's my first post on so please keep the reviews positive. Actually, I take that back. Flames are welcome just as long as they're completely honest.


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